SINO KA DITO? (personalities categorized)

Unang klase ng tao...
"SIMPLE" : sila ang mga taong ang tanging pangarap lang sa buhay ay magkatrabaho ng matino. Mga nagtapos ng pag-aaral, or kundi man, pinangarap na magtapos ng pag-aaral at maging empleyado. Sumasakay sila ng PUJ's, bus at MRT... dagdag gastos ang tingin nila sa pagta-taxi. Typical sunday nila and mag-simba at kung may pera, iikot sa SM kasama ang kapatid or anak or ka-relasyon. Hindi sila malakas tumawa, lalo na kapag hindi pa sya kampante sa kasama nya. Nag babaon sya ng lunch at mahilig sya manood ng telenovela pag nasa bahay na sya.

"PA-SIMPLE" : sila ang mga gaya-gaya sa taong simple. Sinisigaw nilang simple sila pero kapag may mga "sosyal" sa paligid, pilit naman silang nakikisabay. Bihira sila mag-taxi pero feeling nila hindi sila marunong mag-commute. Pero ilang araw bago ang sweldo, nakikisiksik na sila sa MRT with feeling diri na parang never pa sila nakasakay dun at dirty. Pupunta sila sa bar pag may sweldo pero dun sila sa may promo tapos puro sml or rh lang ang order at walang pulutan. Malalakas sila tumawa at ang karaniwang pinagtatawan ay ang mga "pa-simpleng" katulad nila.

"PA-SOSYAL" : sila naman ang mga taong tingin nila sa sarili nila ay angat sa mga taong "simple" at "pa-simple". Nagtataxi sila pag bababa sa lugar na may mga "sosyal". Malakas silang gumimik pero iba ang nagbabayad. Mahilig silang dumikit sa mga "sosyal" dahil akala nila nakakahawa yun. Marami silang "friends" na hindi talaga sila kilala at pipila na lang sa "strbx" para bumili ng frappe kesa ipambili nila ito ng lunch. Malakas sila mag-salita lalo na pag "english" at malakas din sila tumawa lalo na kapag nagpapa"belong". Madalas syang gumamit ng mga salita na hindi nya alam ang ibig sabihin. Wala syang cash. May maxxed out or ma-ma-max out na na credit card at maghihintay sya ng susunod na sweldo bago sya maka-gimik uli.

"SOSYAL" : sila ang mga taong maraming kaibigan. Lagi silang naiimbitahan sa mga event hindi dahil sa mayaman sila, kundi nagdadala sila ng ibang klaseng personalidad pag may party. Malakas ang appeal, laging may gustong kumausap sa kanya, mapagkumbaba sya pero yun nga lang medyo mahilig talaga sya gumimik. Mabilis syang hatakin kung saan at imbitahan kaya karaniwan na may sarili silang sasakyan. Laging may "cash" sa wallet, para sa mga establishments na hindi pa pwede tumanggap ng card, marami syang alam na bagong lugar at marami syang appropriate clothes.

"MAYAMAN" : sila naman ang mga taong nagpapa-"event". Hindi sila kasing "friendly" ng mga "sosyal" kaya naman gusto nilang makipag kaibigan sa mga ito. Karaniwan silang tahimik, mababaw ang kaligayahan at mahirap mahanap. Nahahalo lang sa mga sosyal at simple ang mga pinapakisamahan nila, at madalas na hindi sila nagtatagal sa isang pagdiriwang. Hindi mismo sila ang naglalabas ng cash dahil "pre-arranged" ang kanilang mga lakad. Kung hindi man, meron silang "secretary" na gumagawa ng bayarin para sa kanila.

"LANGAW SA KALABAW" : sila naman ang mga taong maraming pera dahil, a.)matapos ang pagiging pa-sosyal e naka jackpot bigla sila ng malaking halaga, or b.)anak sila ng "mayamang" magulang na binibigay lang sa kanila ang lahat ng layaw nila na wala namang pinagkakatutunan. Karaniwan silang mapang-lait sa kapwa, mapanghusga, at mahirap i-"please". Sila ang mga taong nakakatapos lang ng mga bagay dahil namimigay sila ng pera. Madalas silang lumabas, madalas silang angat sa paningin pero di katulad ng "mayaman", hindi sila kakikitaan ng "finesse". Maaaring may trabaho rin sila, pero karaniwan ay hindi susuma ang kinikita nila sa kanilang mga gastusin.

The Long Line

Growing up, I often envied people who got where they want to go at such an early stage in life. It comes to them with such ease, so much that there is a turning point where these gifts end up being neglected. At some point in my life, I felt like my role was to be the one to acknowledge the neglected for the people I know.

As far as I can remember, I have a clear vision of what I really want to attain…what I want to become, how to reach it and how I want it to end up. All I want is to become a wife and a mother. ---- This, sounds simple…very true to the sense of it. But at this day and age, you can’t go to your parents and say, “Mom, I just want to get married and have kids”, especially when while you were growing up you had such variety of spunkiness and talent which to them is translated as “the bright future ahead” and the fact that there is the wild goose chase between you and the better specie, plus the fact that you are aiming for the compatible genes. And so, the race is on! The continuous aim to be on upper level if not the top of your class is like an ice brick on my head. I don’t look the part I believe; people around me would never agree that I ever had cold feet. To them, I am the “representative”… the impromptu person you can depend on, to do whatever is needed, like a genie to grant their every wish. It felt like a “no choice” role I had to live by. And I did it. But then, when I think of what I wanted to really have, these things had nothing to do with it.

Then it started to feel like a forced responsibility. Why? Because it wasn’t pleasing me. Later on, things I wanted to achieve became shadows…it felt so close but I can’t reach it. I am being punished for things I am not responsible for. Take participating in my college graduation as an example, I was forced to become a summer graduate only because of the registrar’s staff failed to include one stupid subject on my final term, thus making me take it on summer instead…and the only question in my head? Why me?

Fine…It might just have been a bad episode in my life, and things would only get better. I was so willing to move on. I landed a good job…it didn’t last. One thing lead to another, I met new people… I had my share of fun… and with all of these, still… I wake up in the middle of the night, finding myself in my old bed, now in a job which makes me sick, 25, boyfriendless, prospectless, tired and just a pinky away of giving up my heart’s desire, asking myself… “Where do I start? How can I ever get there?”

I have so read a bunch of articles, books, blogs, guides, laws about getting this happy life. Believe me, it made my brain get f*cked up at some point. I spent quite an investment searching for the best books to influence me, only to find out that “I AM” already doing what is in it. Nothing new.

Now I can’t help but ask, “Is this how things should really be?” I mean, you get a job to help you get across life…at least that was my thinking. Talent is already subjective, unless of course you are capable of voicing out eight octaves and reach your foot to your ear while standing (whew!). I can’t even pin point anybody I know who is a regular person (and by saying regular person, a college grad of zero connections), who was able to get into the industry he or she has been eyeing for, even if yes, he or she has a talent for it! I remember at one of my attempts to get into the movie industry, I was asked by the daughter of the queen flower, “masscom…so what do you think you can do here?....to tell you honestly, I don’t know what’s your contribution in this industry…” and who do you want to be here? The talentless wipe-asses you have right now? No wonder you had to come up with sequels every darn film festival…cuz you are running out of fresh ideas! (Of course I did not say that…but what am saying is…can’t you just test how creative I can get and not insult me for the course I took?). Then I found out, a company has a non degree holder in their staff… slowly rising the ranks only because she is some person’s niece. Now you tell me, how do you expect me to fight it?

I can go on yacking on the system we are made to believe as the better way. I could just wish there is a justification for all of these.

Moving on… last Saturday night was quite a thing to think about for me. Again, feeling like asking myself the question “why do things have to get difficult for me?”… I go home everyday, 2 to 3 hours away from work, which I am still getting used to (there is no way you can get used to it…it is really a pain on the neck), and as if it is not difficult enough, I found myself looking at the longest line I have ever seen leading to the jeepney terminal I am about to go to.. and when I say the longest line, I mean it looked like a line going to the WOWOWEE studio! So yes, for a jeepney terminal? That is a horrible sight! On a situation like that, there is no way to feel better except if you feel like challenging your patience. And so I did… As I was standing at the end of the line, I noticed, there is a discrepancy of 30 to 45 minutes before the next jeepney arrives. And as I estimated my position with the time I have which is 7:30pm, I’ll be home by 3am…not bad! Considering I have to get up 3am the next day and leave the house at 4 so I can be at work by 6am! (gosh, the last two lines are full of sarcasm!). I had to think of some other way. I then decided to take a shot on another jeepney terminal which is about six blocks away. It would be a long walk… (so no! I decided to take another jeep going to the next terminal… am not much of the hero that you think) and to my surprise, the line there was worse! It reached the hi-way! For crying out loud!!! Frustration galore!! Then I felt tears trying to go to the side of my eyes, but I resisted. I want to test my patience. It was late, drizzling, we were lining up at the market place and people were already getting weird. They mobbed a cab, trying to fit eight people in it so they can have a smaller share with the fare meter, men flock empty trucks going to my town…street vendors went crazy because of the long thick commuter line blocking their stores (which by the way they don’t rent, and it’s as if we enjoy standing there!? Hello!), total strangers are already talking to each other….it felt like I was walking on a march leading to the next EDSA Revolution!

At 9pm, still no where near salvation, I started to feel numbness on my legs, my tummy’s sending me a signal that I need food, I’m parched, I got sniffles (it’s three weeks overdue), I am shivering… I am tired. Then I had to let the tears fall. I found myself crying on the line. Then I started feeling pity for myself… “why do these things happen to me?” I already had thoughts of really breaking down right there and then. But I have to get through this. And after what seemed like forever, it was my turn to ride. The wooden seats covered with fake leather never felt so comfortable! I was crying when my painful back finally got a rest… people were smiling at me, smiling at each other, thanking God, breathing on a steady relaxed pace and closed their eyes to rest. Right there and then, there was one thing I felt that was so clear… fulfillment. Not because I was finally on my way home, but because I proved to myself, I can do it. That after the pain, there is salvation.

I am now wondering, where could I be in the line right now? Am I even in it? How will I know if I reached the end? I guess I’ll feel the same way like when I got in the jeepney. That experience made me think of a lot of things. I took the test, I passed and I am home. For how long could my line be in getting to my heart’s desire remains unknown, I just do hope I am in the line leading to it.

I'M THE ONE WHO LOVES YOU LATELY

My latest addiction... my refuge... thanks for always being at 7-11 when i need you. Thank you for always taking away my pain. Thank you for spicing my life. Thank you for the warmth. Thank you for teaching me to become patient...at least for 5minutes. Thank you for not having second thoughts when i want to take you home, take you to work or wherever my urge comes. Thank you for wetting my lips, you make me teary eyed sometimes...but it's all worth it. Thank you for waiting there and allow only me to unwrap you...you always make me feel that you are only for me... There are still things i cannot understand about you,specially if i'll just look at you from the outside, I hope to learn someday..but now, i hope i've been doing you right. Thank you for the variety... you surprise me with something new...every month or two... =) thanks for making me happy..

PS: I love you too!

Di mo lang alam? o di ko lang alam?

(inspired by UpDharmaDown's "OO")

Para sa taong matagal ko nang hinihintay pero hindi ko nakikita. Nakita man pero hindi namalayan. Nakakatawang isipin na kahit ganito na ako katanda, naniniwala pa rin ako na meron talagang tao na dadating para maging "leading man" ko sa totoong buhay. Ang tanong... nasaan ka?

Isa ka ba sa mga nakakabanggaan ko ng siko sa MRT?

Isa ka ba sa mga sumilip na sa profile ko dito sa Friendster?

Nagkita na ba tayo pero hindi nagpansinan?

Isa ka bang doctor,engineer,lawyer,businessman,sales person,ahente,operator,driver,waiter,nerd, psychic,bum,babaero,pankista,sugarol,panadero,mag-aareglo o baka naman nasa langit ka na?

Matagal na ba tayong nagkakasalubong at nagkukunwari ka lang na ayaw mo ko tignan kahit na kinakalabit na ng amoy ng bagong shampoo kong buhok ang ilong mo?

Nagpa-cute na ba ko sayo? Inimbitahan kang lumabas? Mag-kape?

Niyaya mo na ba akong lumabas? Pinadalhan ng forwarded na text message na kapag hindi ko ipinasa sa isang daang tao sa loob ng isang oras e mamamatay ako bukas o kahit kailan hinding hindi na ako yayaman?

Tinitignan mo ba ako sa malayo at iniisip mo na balang araw matatanggal din ang pagka manhid ko at mararamdaman ko rin na, ahemm..kinikilig ka pag nakikita mo ko?

Bumibilog ba ang boses mo na parang gusto mong lakasan tuwing nakikita mo ko na kahit hindi ako ang kinakausap mo e gusto mong marinig na may matino kang sasabihin para maisip ko na matalino ka pala? o ako yun?

Minsan mo na bang pinangarap na magkahawak tayo ng kamay habang naglalakad sa Metrowalk, Eastwood, Megamall o kaya Mall of Asia (para mas mahaba ang lalakaran) habang nagtititigan tayo saka mo ko lilinyahan ng "Pagod ka ba?, San mo gusto pumunta?"?

Hiniraman na ba kita ng kahit ano tapos hindi ko binalik,tapos iniisip mo na kaya ko hindi binalik kasi may gusto ako sayo at gagamitin ko iyong "remembrance"? o ikaw ang nanghiram sakin?

Minsan mo na ba akong nakitang umiiyak pero hindi mo ko malapitan para kausapin dahil natatakot ka na itaboy kita o kaya naman ayaw mo malaman ng ibang tao na interisado ka sakin dahil "cool" ang image na pino-project mo?

Nagkataon ba na habang nagse-surf ka sa internet e nabuksan mo ang e-mail ko? Nagte-txt at nagkamali kang number ko ang nasend-an mo?

Nararamdaman mo ba na "okey lang" ako or "pwede" pero wala ka pang sapat na emosyon para masabi mo na gusto mo kong maging syota? ok.. girlfriend?

Isa ka ba sa mga naniniwala na kahit luko loko ako, maingay, malakas uminom, mahilig gumimik, nagsusuot ng maiikling damit at kung minsan saksakan ng arte, e magiging mabuti akong ina sa pupwedeng maging anak natin? At kaya ayaw mo akong diskartehan, iniisip mo na sobrang magkaiba tayo kaya hinihintay mo na magsawa muna ako sa pinaggagagawa ko?

Malungkot ka rin ba ngayon? Na kahit maraming babae na nakapalibot sayo, hindi mo maintindihan kung bakit ni-isa sa kanila walang tumatagos sa puso mo para masabi mo na "this is it"?

Tumitingin ka rin ba sa langit twing gabi,bumubulong sa hangin ng "good night" sa babaeng hindi mo pa rin nakikilala?

May girlfriend ka ba ngayon? Boyfriend? (wag naman sana)

Hinahanap din kita. Hinihintay. Nangangarap na sana magkasama tayo. Wala ka pa ngalang muka sa pangarap ko. Hindi ako manghuhula.. hindi kita makita. Kakahintay ko sayo, madalas ako malinlang. Sa tuwing may dumadating, akala ko, ikaw sila.. sorry. Natatakot lang naman ako na baka ikaw na pala yung kaharap ko saka pa kita tratuhin ng hindi maganda.. naiintindihan mo? Hindi mo pa siguro alam ngayon na ikaw..hindi ko man alam na ako.. pero sana pag dumating ang panahon..maging maayos.

Excited nako! =)

at kahit wala ka pang pangalan...

I Love You!

TEXT CHARACTERS...wag na pa-cute please

Dyoske naman...so technology is really in. Uso na ang texting at na-out na unti unti ang mga love letters na noong araw (syet,matanda na ko..) pinagaaksayahan pa ng panahon kung paano ang magandang fold. (hai..) Pero hindi porke uso na ang short cut at massive na pagtitipid e ibig sabihin na hindi na dapat ayusing ang mga techniques involved. So utang na loob, ayusin nyo naman!

1.Never ever greet with "eow.." or "ellow!"..na of course ang ibig sabihin ay hello..pero naman, ano ka?pusa? At sino naman kasi ang may sabi na nakakadagdag ng pogi points ang pagsasalita na para kang retarded? Lalo na sa text! syempre lusot dito kung gurl to gurl and magkausap at kung magjowa na kayo ng ka-txt mo,kasi at least alam mo na tanggap ka na nya kahit na ummm..mongoloid ka, d b?

2.Never start your message with "ano gawa mo?" - e kasi naman, ano nga ba ang pakialam mo at out of nowhere bigla kang magtatanong. ETHICS101: Greet first before you ask any question, so gurls, ok nang pang text sa babaerong boylet ang ganito "Hoy hayup ka,ano nanaman ang pinaggagagawa mo? UWI!!" hehehe.

3.Wag na wag kang magtatanong ng "Uy, y di u reply?" - duh?!tingin mo ba masasagot ka?

4.Never miskol w/in 30 sec. and 30min. after message sent. LOGIC: Bigyan mo naman ng oras para makapagreply yung tinext mo. kasi hindi nya matatapos ang tinatype nya kung tawag ka nang tawag! at kung after 30mins e dedma parin drama ng katxt mo,forget it. Ayaw ka nya kausap or wala na syang pang-text.

5.Make sure na hinding hindi mase-send sa taong pinagchichismisan nyo ng kaibigan mo ang mga panglalait nyo na kino-course thru nyo pa via wireless technology

6.If No.5 happens, kung brave ka, pangatawanan mo na ang na-missent na message. At kung di mo carry, deny to death ang nangyari at immediately,bumili ka ng bagong sim.

7.Paki tigilan na pati ang mga hirit na ganito: "U may not hear from me, u may not see me, but always remember am just here.." - duh?! e ano pa ba ang silbi mo?

8.Utang na loob, kung insomniac kayo, never ever assume na bampira din ang pinaka bago nyong obsession para i-text nyo ng "hi! still up?" ng alas-dos ng madaling araw!!!Tapos magtataka ka pa kung bakit ayaw ka nyang katext!? gagu ka kshe eh...

9.Make sure that you read your message before u send it off. That's actually the advantage of texting, to lessen if not totally eliminate gramatical errors. Of course,hindi kasama spelling dun. Pero kahit gaano kaganda ang intention kung may missing letters/words..panget! eg. "Hi!Have a great.C u sun!" - huh? seriously, naintindihan mo ba ng malinaw yun?

10. Tigilan na ang letter "H". bhaket poh?anoh?akoh? hello! ay nakoh!..yun nah!
AND REMEMBER: AVOID USING ALL CAPS KASI DI BA KAHIT HINDI AKO GALIT FEELING MO NAPAKA HALAGA NITONG PART NA TO DI BA!?

To The Gates of DFA

Sabihin na natin na sa edad kong ito..(ahem..a quarters worth), ngayon ko lang talaga napagdesisyunan na subukan na pumunta sa ibang bansa. Not just because the government here is leading to a blind spot and employment is good only if you're a nocturnal animal, but i am really interested to see other cultures, beautiful places and whatever it can still unfold. So ok, part 1...kumuha ng passport.

Sa araw na yon,nakuha ko rin ang LCR ng birth certificate ko na matagal nang nawawala..at kasalukuyang may hinohostage na isang bus ng mga bata sa tabi ng city hall ng maynila kaya sobrang traffic...(yes, i was there...) I always believed i have a natural sense of direction so i am confident to say na never pa ako naligaw...pwede nga akong maging kartero eh..anyway, so sumakay ako ng jeep mula cthall..pumara ako ng jeep nakalagay DFA..bayad..10 pesos..ibig sabihin malayo..dahil kung malapit lang..7pesos lang. At dahil medyo atat ako,sinubukan kong magtanong sa katapat kong mama..may katabaan,mukang mga 28years old at kulang sa sex life..hahaha..sa may mabini..sabi nya..baba ka na rito..punta ka roxas blvd. malapit na yon lakarin mo na lang. Willing na sana ako bumaba..buti na lang may ale na sumabat at pataray na umepal..sabi nya sa lalaki "ano ka!? ang layo layo nun noh!dun pa yun sa may libertad!..hay naku iha..ako magtuturo sayo kung san ka bababa!"... whew! at na-realize ko na lang na kung sinunod ko yung lalake e malamang,nagmuka na akong taong grasa pagkadating ko ng DFA!

So eto na..pagbaba ko sa kanto, since di ko ugali mamansin...may mamang sumabay sa paglalakad ko (take note: mabilis ako maglakad!)..nagsalita sya..sabi nya "DFA ka rin?", sabi ko "oo"..sabi nya "ako rin eh,mag re-renew ng passport..ikaw?", "mag-aapply"..at sabi nya habang tinuturo ang isang maliit na xerox at photo shop.."kuha ka dyan ng number para di ka pumila nang mahaba".. ako.."?"..at may masungit na babae sa loob,hinihingi yung requirement ko at i-checheck daw..confident naman ako na kumpleto..pinakita ko..sabi ok na daw. binigyan ako ng form..at titignan daw ang litrato ko..pagkakita nung isang lalake sa pic ko..ngumiti sya..parang nag isip ..sabay sabi.."miss,di pwede yung ganitong picture,dapat walang hikaw at walang bangs...".... "ANO!?" haler! nakalagay kaya dun sa sobre na #1 photograph shop sila at tinatanggap yung pic na yun sa DFA..so sabi ko..ok na yun.At gusto pa niya ko pilitin na magpakuha sa kanya kaso tinarayan ko. Naramdaman ata ng kasama nya na wala silang kikitain sakin, bigla syang nagsalita nang.."miss,kuha kayo ng number sa lumang office..sa kabila", "lumang office?"... may isang mama na sumabay sakin at sinabing sya rin daw ay kukuha ng number.medyo malayo na ang nalakad namin kaya nabibwiset na ko..(take note:alas dos ng hapon yon!) sabi ko "lumang opis ng DFA?!"..sabi nya "oo"..at bigla na lang bumulaga ang isang opis na may nakalagay "TRAVELLING AGENCY"..naisip ko..tanga ba tong kasama ko?kaya pagkapasok ko dun sumigaw ako.. "san kukuha ng number?"..may sumagot "walang number"..may babaeng kumaway at pinapunta ko sa lamesa nya,binigyan ako ng form..sinusulatan ko na..kasi nakalagay naman "NOT FOR SALE" so ok lang..mya mya umikot ikot sa akin ang anak nung ale na bata..so nginitian ko..nagkangitian kami..tapos bigla na lang bumulong yung ale.. "miss, travelling agency to...hindi kami DFA..", sinagot ko sya.."salamat..aalis na ko", sabi nya "ok..basta dumirecho ka na lang ha..." Thank God! may angel pa rin ako..so sa kabwisitan ko sa nagattemp na goyoin ako, sa kabilang side ako naglakad pabalik ng DFA...

malapit na ako sa gate,nang may isang mama na naka barong pa na may hawak na istik ang humarang sakin at pilit na sinasabi na iche-check ang dala ko..gaya ng nauna,pinipilit nila na mali ang dala kong picture..anak ng p*ta! tumalikod ako para lumabas pero hinarang ako at sinundot sundot ng istik nya! hinaharang ako! nilampasan ko sya..hinabol habol nya ko..tapos sumigaw sya sa isa pang mas malaking mama na nakabarong.. "sir oh! ayaw magpa-check!"..so eto na ang isa pang mas malaking mama,mukang kontrabida sa pelikula ni vic sotto! sinundot sundot din nya ko ng stick at pilit pinababalik! so sabi ko..bakit ba? sino ba kayo?..sabi nya authorized daw sila ng DFA na mag "screen" ng mga kukuha ng passport.. tinitigan ko sya at ang ID nya..sabi ko...e ano ba yan ID mo photograpy studio lang yan! sabi nya e hindi nga ho e..basta pumasok kayo dun at ipa-screen yang papel nyo! lumakad uli ako..sinundot uli ako ng stick..tinapik ko yung stick nya at sinigawan ko "dun ko sa guard gusto magtanong!" sabay layas..humabol pa sya ng salita "ah ganon!"... pakyu!! ilang hakbang palapit sa guard..may sumigaw pa "tapos na..hindi na magpapapasok..dito na kayo pumila!" so hindi ko pinakinggan..chineck ko muna yung ID ng guard..DFA nakalagay..salamat sa DIyos..at walang ano ano,pinapasok ako ng guard..chineck kung ano ang gagawin ko sa loob..ok na.. at wala pang 30 minutes..nakakuha na ako ng resibo na nakalagay kung kelan makukuha ang passport ko... natapos din...

Lilinawin ko lang...hindi ako galit sa mga taga DFA... ito ay isang warning sa mga pupunta dun..maraming unggoy sa gilid..kasi nung napasok ko yung maliit na opisina sa labas..ang dami dami nilang nauuto...as in! kaya..mag ingat..mag ingat..mag ingat! dumirecho lang sa basketball court sa loob ng DFA at wag mamamansin ng mga taong biglang nagsasalita..