is this? are you?

how do i know this is one of God's jokes?

when i remember asking for a particular name... particular face... event... the how should of things... and then i found it..

are you real?

i am happy you are who you are, i am happy with how you make me feel when you are with me
if incase this is just one of the roads i'll take, this could just be the best path im taking so far.

you make me feel awesome about myself and i love myself more now that i have met you.

(cheezy! nyeta!)

in gray

going up didn't look much scary before...
it still ain't now.
there's just too much to fear... because there is much to lose.

i can't say there is regret, after all, i reap what i sow.
i just didn't expect it to be this hollow.
everything you hear sounds a slight buttering
and there is always a fear you have to repay all the kindness.

when it's easy to dismiss you because you are nothing,
it's much easier to be dismissed because people think you have a lot.

this is a ruthless chain of slavery i tell you, it's not easy to follow this
rotten dictated path.

it's not easy to afford happiness...

@ 27

This has to be the happiest birthday yet... I shouldn't be asking for more.
On the past year, I was able to achieve a lot of things I have only been planning for in the past years.
I got me a good job, one I am hoping to last.
My mom said it was a gift from my 26th birthday.
It could be, for it opened a lot of doors for me.
I finally learned to drive...
because i'll be driving my first owned car.
I now have a boyfriend... I can see, share and be with.. :)
I have weekends off..(yey!)
and I am sure there are still more of it I have yet to unfold.

Of course, I would like to acknowledge my past. I won't probably see how kind this year have been if not for all the trials and struggles I had to go through.

At 27, there are more things I have to accomplish. I can now, more than ever, feel the pressure of things before I hit 30.

I can only pray that things can finally fall on its place when that time comes. Only three more years....
- I have yet to see the completion of the family house
- Get enough savings
- Invest  for a business
- Invest for a house
- Fly abroad
- Get married

I can only pray....

The Big Project

I live in a very nice place. Amityville is not quite a famous name for a place for r&r but the beauty beneath the horror flick is simply irresistable. I can't get over the wonderful view of the town and the mountain ranges from outside the house.

The only thing that troubles me though is that we can't maximize it from the inside. Security is a concern, i agree, because of the very small population but then again, i know there are ways which we can be secured and yet indulge on the beauty of nature at the same time.

For one, my room has zero visibility of what's outside, for it's in the basement. The windows on the living room and the kitchen are closed most of the time and you can't really see what's outside.

I just hope an angel will come help me get things right. I can't argue with my dad about it, because there are still financial issues to consider.

I hope Oprah has wings and can fly to the Philippines to help.

Oh well... in God's time i guess.

Dreaming

I wish i could say im alright.
I wish i could say "no hurt feelings".
I wish i could say i don't care.
I wish i could say i am moving on
I wish i could say i hate you
I wish i could say i don't want to see you anymore.

I can't.

I can't

I can't believe this is happening.

I can't believe i am in this..right now.

I can't believe i am affected.

By someone i never thought who would.

let me do this...

Seeing you walk out on me feels like someone kicked me in the gut.
You, keeping too much of yourself kills me.
Me, walking away and you, not even trying to stop me makes me sick.
I hate it that you look at me straight-faced, with no trace of pain.
Damn, you are cold.
You lost me and still nothing.
You lie like its the truth.
You make promises like a thief.
You act like you don't care.
You ignore me.
You've placed your hands on that stupid game more than you would hold me.
You didn't invite me to your birthday celebration.
You didn't get me anything on christmas.
You're not looking forward to spend valentine's day with me.
You are stubborn.
You don't make plans.
You don't ask me out.
and you still drive me nuts.

Now it's making me insane...that it hurts me bad.
fu(k it..now i'm really sad.

and now

10...9....
just as i expected

8...7....
no plans to set things straight

6...
nothing

5...
i can't... barely hanging...

4...
tic...toc...tic...

3...
just a few long breathes more...

2...
losing you...

1...
you lost me

Daria

Watch Daria episodes =)


Depth Takes a Holiday 1
Depth Takes a Holiday 2
Depth Takes a Holiday 3
Dance Party 1

Dance Party 2
The Lost Girls 1
The Lost Girls 2
The Lost Girls 3
It happened one nut 1
It happened one nut2
Joyeous Families1
Joyeous Families2
Jake of Hearts 1
Jake of Hearts 2
Speedtrapped 1
Speedtrapped 2
Speedtrapped 3
The Lawndale File 1
The Lawndale File 2
The Lawndale File 3