Sucks to be :(

been caught up doing things far out different from what you wanted?
not being able to say or do the perfect things at the right time?
worse, not being able to say or do the perfect things at all?

for once in my life i really wanted to be well...that.
but it's hard to coordinate every piece of me and focus my energy to something.
it freaks me out.
i wish i could be sweet.

or that girl...
i wish i could be that normal boring girl sometimes...

oh but i am not.
my bestfriend told me i should accept that.
i am not simple.

i am complex
too complex sometimes i can't even figure my self out.
in my head this is normal.
wanting something but not too much
needing something and needing it bad
but not show how much i'll beg to have it.
i don't beg. is that bad?
when people walk out on me
i don't stop them..that wrong?
when what i need is not available,
i learn not to need it.

like something soo bad but not too much
confusing people when things are getting out of hand...
or so i think.

shit.

im not a mess.
i know that for a fact.
but i am not stable.
at least not my head.

or am i?

i'll give you a chocolate if you understand me.

sedate me.