SUDDENLY PSYCHO

Baka kasi you're curious why i called my little piece of cyber space "clinically bolera". Let me volunteer the info... i have, for one, worked at different industries. A lot of my friends wonder how i possibly made the jump. That's where the term "bolera" comes in. I am not saying i lied, it's just that i tend to internalize roles that are expected from me on an interview. I am not saying i did it all the time, there were numerous times i faltered... times when i am not totally sold to an idea i am trying to portray. So yeah-- i worked for engineering, wrote for the school paper, i did pay roll, customer service front line, i did a bit of acting for tv and movies, marketing, i managed a modeling agency, sold condominiums, worked for a bank, sold government bonds, treasury bills and insurance, a part time make up artist, part time singer, done my call center stint, worked for a food and beverage industry, managed a cafe' and lastly i got a dip on the I.T. world. Whew!

It's all confusing how i did it. Sometimes i too, am taken away by those. Although, i also have to give credit for some of my connections. That part actually, cuts the game short. To be more effective in a field, there should be no one, as in zero, nada, zilch, no body there that i possibly know. Not that i establish a different character every time, i just feel better when i think i'm gonna start on a clean slate. It feels fresh, because you won't be judged by the mistakes of your past. A lot of people are curious about you... and there are zero backlogs for an unfit character you have so hated. Talk about low expectations! When you start differently, you won't get the same pressures you got.

The biggest down side though is, moving on. I mean, it's not that i think about leaving it intentionally. I just have a short attention span, and i am quick in picking up, so unless i am offered something new or people are really nice, i... jump! I know i am not getting any younger. Sooner or later, i have to settle. I am not a big money fan, or maybe i just don't need it right now. Maybe it will change someday. Maybe fate will intervene. Maybe i should not over analyze things and just do what i see fit.... --- by the way, that's where the word "clinically" comes.

I Prevail!

I'm doing this because during the past days, things that i have fought for have come to be recognized. I almost, totally lost a friend due to the influence of the people she thought was treating her right. It has been a year or a bit more since i last wrote about this, and i am claiming my dignity that was intentionally wrecked by people who were trying to use my behavior to cast a shadow on their rather immoral deeds.

I am talking about the day i got soooo drunk... and the people around me getting "culture shocked" throwing words at me, while one of my then so called "friends" sneak around with some "rural" guy. Unaware of these, i was the center of attention on the provincial event. As any Manila dweller should know, no one is to take anything seriously whenever there is alcohol involved. So my free-spirited self enjoyed and mingled with the natives, being aware enough to hide my usually "bastos" self. I know for a fact that no green joke was launched that night. I was comic, yes! And i did passed out. But i did not sneaked out to flirt around and eventually answered a booty call!

It is just sad that things had to happen the way they did. I had to draw the line with what i think was unfair and unjust at all extents and being ganged upon. There were sure a lot who took a ride with my suffering. Surely, we must all be wise on whoever we are gonna call our "friends". They may smile with you right now, and be the first to point the finger, but be careful as she points someone, her other hand is creeping on your boyfriend's butt.

For the very few people who stood by my side... thank you. I cannot promise i will not get crazy. But i promise to never touch your guy.