Welcoming 26

I just turned 26, maybe it's a big fuss for some, but it aint much for me now. I guess it's just that i am not where i planned to be.

First, i would love to thank my friends who greeted me on my special day. It really means a lot to me. As you all know, i am indeed very sensitive whenever my birthday comes, and so i am very thankful for the people who remembered. Thanks to my friend Lora for dinner, the resto experience wasn't all glittery but it was the night i treasured. Thanks for the conversation, same with my friend Mika who stayed with us that night. Thank you for remembering my birthday since you've met me. I would also wanna say thank you to my good friend Marwin, who greeted me in advance, so that in case he forgets on that day, he already did what he can when he remembered it. Thanks to Alden, for the drama greet. He pretended to call me for another reason,but it turns out, he just wanted to greet me too, same with his wife Anna. To all the people who greeted me in friendster, Caryn,and the guys i haven't met personally... thank you. You have touched my heart in ways you can't imagine... (hindi po bastos yun..hehehe)

As my friends would have known by now, my sentiments on this day really gets emphasized, sometimes blown out of proportions. May be it's the same old "alone" drama, but the thing is... it was my thing last year, and it saddens me that it is still the same dang pain! =( Last year, there were no celebrations, because i was horribly ill. And now, we had a family reunion done on my birthday! There are more people around me, and i feel the love but I guess it's just trying to set my expectations low, yet i can't stop my self from wanting to be special to that somebody. I feel so pathetic.

A few months ago, i felt i was losing it. I have made a 360 degree turn, i am quite satisfied, but then i started to feel that i am being left behind. I no longer enjoy clubbing, i don't enjoy alcohol as much, i don't enjoy the night lights, i can't stand the loud music and sometimes, i just zone out my self from conversations i used to enjoy. Maybe i am getting old, or maybe i just saw the beauty of the simplicity of things. I don't feel angry... i don't feel miserable either. I just don't have anything to say. I enjoy being alone. I am in love with a song. And my heart feels pain in a way that it wants to cry but it's too locked up. I want to be alone... away... somewhere, where i am free from any one who would judge me, from rules that don't really matter, from a man who doesn't know my value, from time.

If it would be fair to say everything in my mind right now, i know i would end up hurting. If i could only be selfish... If only i can say what i really mean at that exact moment...If i could only be as insensitive, as inconsiderate... then it would be fair. It's my fault. I have given too much.

I can't tolerate light jokes about me as of the moment. I am really very sensitive. I remember every time i am being called "names", and every time i am in any way being put down.

I need new people.

Tell me it's just a phase...
Tell me it will all be fine...
Tell me to calm down...

then show around...
then i'll be fine.

GOOD EARTH (metrowalk) = BAD DINING EXPERIENCE!!!

I am writing this, fresh from my supposed to be "fun" birthday dinner at Good Earth in Metrowalk. I just can't help but be annoyed on the way the service runs in that place. But to get you in the mood, here's the story:

June 13 2008... pay day friday for some, and for me... the perfect day to have a simple dinner with my close friends Pungpung and Ashley. Friends who i haven't spend quite some time with, since i was busy contemplating on my next career move.
Since my birthday would fall on a tuesday, and they are both busy on that day, plus the fact that i have a family celebration on the weekends... we decided to meet up and dine kanina. And since i love chinese food, we ended up in Good Earth in Metrowalk, thinking that it will give us the right ambiance, good food and good service that will complete the picture.

So there we are, we ordered beef in oyster sauce, broccoli in garlic sauce, dimsum, garlic and plain rice. There was already some confusion with the rice ordering, but never the less, we settled just so we won't spoil the moment. We were catching up with each other's lives and getting on with dinner, then the first "taas kilay" moment happened. My friend Pungpung ordered dimsum, and since she was also enjoying the other dishes, it was understandable how the serving plate was emptied yet there was still dimsum lying on her plate waiting to be dipped on the sauce above the serving plate... and then suddenly, the server took the serving plate with the sauce above it! Again, we did not want to spoil the moment, so we opted to let it pass. But then here goes the female server again, aiming to get the serving plate with the veggies obviously still sitting there! I managed to say "wag muna!" and so she left it there. I was wondering then, if there were other guests waiting to be seated or there were no more available utensils. But clearly, apart from the huge al fresco space, there were still two tables unoccupied on the ground floor and the second floor was totally empty! As if it was not obvious that we were still trying to finish what we ordered, and two cups of rice barely touched, plus the fact that i already sent a signal clearly saying we are not done yet, here goes the server again! This time, she took our plates!!!! Can you believe the arrogance or stupidity of this server!? I mean man! I worked for the F&B industry long enough to know that courtesy is a big part of this game! The three of us were already discussing what just happened, and that we are now in agreement that the service S-U-C-K-S!!! Still, without a spoon or fork left, we just thought that the chopsticks were kinda handy in case we still want to get some pieces of beef and broccoli still lying there, plus the two cups of rice just waiting. But we were already pikon sobra! Just when you thought you had the worst, here comes the server now getting the other serving plate with the beef!!! UTANG NA LOOB!!! My friend Pungpung, now with a very obvious irate tone said "WAIT! WAIT LANG HA!!". I mean come on!Nakaka-badtrip na talaga! What do they want to do with the food ba? And eto pa, the other engot server mistakenly hands another table's bill to us! Di mo tuloy maintindihan kung minamadali kami umalis!!! Sobrang pikon na kami so we asked for the manager.The first manager we spoke with didn't seem to get the gravity of our concern. Parang he just listened, nodded then left...kainis! Totally dissatisfied, i called the attention of the other manager, and told him what happened. I did not want to point out who the stupid server girl was, because i don't want to get any body fired or apprehended, i just told him na that's not the way of doing things. Then my friend Ashley saw the engot server making face pa behind our back, so totally nanggigil na siya and swore she'll make plantsa the server's face! Nakakabad trip di ba!? I told the manager how disappointed i was, because it's my birthday dinner pa naman, then he said "ganon po ba?" then he left, then came back with dessert. Ano ba? Inuubos nga namin yung beef at broccoli ng paunti-unti because we're busog na, then you give us dessert? O sige, given, the intention was nice, kaya lang it did not resolve anything. Feeling ko pa nainsulto ako or something kasi parang he was thinking i wanted dessert kaya kami nag ko-complain! Nakaka bad trip!!!! Tapos, when we were asking for the bill, walang lumalapit... we had to call the other manager's attention again to get it. Wala man lang pagaanticipate ng need. Sobrang insensitive at mind you, sobrang ASSHOLE talaga yung dating nung isang server! I mean, kung wala kayo sa mood mag serve wag kayong pumasok sa ganyang klaseng trabaho! Nakakaasar talaga!

Hindi dapat Good Earth yung ipangalan nila sa establishment, kung ganyan lang din ang pagtatrabaho nila... Ano sa tingin nyo?

SUDDENLY PSYCHO

Baka kasi you're curious why i called my little piece of cyber space "clinically bolera". Let me volunteer the info... i have, for one, worked at different industries. A lot of my friends wonder how i possibly made the jump. That's where the term "bolera" comes in. I am not saying i lied, it's just that i tend to internalize roles that are expected from me on an interview. I am not saying i did it all the time, there were numerous times i faltered... times when i am not totally sold to an idea i am trying to portray. So yeah-- i worked for engineering, wrote for the school paper, i did pay roll, customer service front line, i did a bit of acting for tv and movies, marketing, i managed a modeling agency, sold condominiums, worked for a bank, sold government bonds, treasury bills and insurance, a part time make up artist, part time singer, done my call center stint, worked for a food and beverage industry, managed a cafe' and lastly i got a dip on the I.T. world. Whew!

It's all confusing how i did it. Sometimes i too, am taken away by those. Although, i also have to give credit for some of my connections. That part actually, cuts the game short. To be more effective in a field, there should be no one, as in zero, nada, zilch, no body there that i possibly know. Not that i establish a different character every time, i just feel better when i think i'm gonna start on a clean slate. It feels fresh, because you won't be judged by the mistakes of your past. A lot of people are curious about you... and there are zero backlogs for an unfit character you have so hated. Talk about low expectations! When you start differently, you won't get the same pressures you got.

The biggest down side though is, moving on. I mean, it's not that i think about leaving it intentionally. I just have a short attention span, and i am quick in picking up, so unless i am offered something new or people are really nice, i... jump! I know i am not getting any younger. Sooner or later, i have to settle. I am not a big money fan, or maybe i just don't need it right now. Maybe it will change someday. Maybe fate will intervene. Maybe i should not over analyze things and just do what i see fit.... --- by the way, that's where the word "clinically" comes.

I Prevail!

I'm doing this because during the past days, things that i have fought for have come to be recognized. I almost, totally lost a friend due to the influence of the people she thought was treating her right. It has been a year or a bit more since i last wrote about this, and i am claiming my dignity that was intentionally wrecked by people who were trying to use my behavior to cast a shadow on their rather immoral deeds.

I am talking about the day i got soooo drunk... and the people around me getting "culture shocked" throwing words at me, while one of my then so called "friends" sneak around with some "rural" guy. Unaware of these, i was the center of attention on the provincial event. As any Manila dweller should know, no one is to take anything seriously whenever there is alcohol involved. So my free-spirited self enjoyed and mingled with the natives, being aware enough to hide my usually "bastos" self. I know for a fact that no green joke was launched that night. I was comic, yes! And i did passed out. But i did not sneaked out to flirt around and eventually answered a booty call!

It is just sad that things had to happen the way they did. I had to draw the line with what i think was unfair and unjust at all extents and being ganged upon. There were sure a lot who took a ride with my suffering. Surely, we must all be wise on whoever we are gonna call our "friends". They may smile with you right now, and be the first to point the finger, but be careful as she points someone, her other hand is creeping on your boyfriend's butt.

For the very few people who stood by my side... thank you. I cannot promise i will not get crazy. But i promise to never touch your guy.