SUDDENLY PSYCHO

Baka kasi you're curious why i called my little piece of cyber space "clinically bolera". Let me volunteer the info... i have, for one, worked at different industries. A lot of my friends wonder how i possibly made the jump. That's where the term "bolera" comes in. I am not saying i lied, it's just that i tend to internalize roles that are expected from me on an interview. I am not saying i did it all the time, there were numerous times i faltered... times when i am not totally sold to an idea i am trying to portray. So yeah-- i worked for engineering, wrote for the school paper, i did pay roll, customer service front line, i did a bit of acting for tv and movies, marketing, i managed a modeling agency, sold condominiums, worked for a bank, sold government bonds, treasury bills and insurance, a part time make up artist, part time singer, done my call center stint, worked for a food and beverage industry, managed a cafe' and lastly i got a dip on the I.T. world. Whew!

It's all confusing how i did it. Sometimes i too, am taken away by those. Although, i also have to give credit for some of my connections. That part actually, cuts the game short. To be more effective in a field, there should be no one, as in zero, nada, zilch, no body there that i possibly know. Not that i establish a different character every time, i just feel better when i think i'm gonna start on a clean slate. It feels fresh, because you won't be judged by the mistakes of your past. A lot of people are curious about you... and there are zero backlogs for an unfit character you have so hated. Talk about low expectations! When you start differently, you won't get the same pressures you got.

The biggest down side though is, moving on. I mean, it's not that i think about leaving it intentionally. I just have a short attention span, and i am quick in picking up, so unless i am offered something new or people are really nice, i... jump! I know i am not getting any younger. Sooner or later, i have to settle. I am not a big money fan, or maybe i just don't need it right now. Maybe it will change someday. Maybe fate will intervene. Maybe i should not over analyze things and just do what i see fit.... --- by the way, that's where the word "clinically" comes.

Dressing Down

It's a month now... from my power pumps, to killer stilletos, matching bags, suits, expensive porma clothes.... i am now stucked in my black sneakers,khaki pants and white shirt...

Who would've thought that from spending time in front of my lcd monitor, i will be staring at a wall faucet and a feet deep sink full of dirty dishes...ahemn..other people's dirty dishes..

people whom i won't normally even look at, or even flash a smile at..or talk... now i make sure everything they want is given and i make them feel better.

It's not the first time i did it, but the last time i did, i was still a college student...some think it's a big leap...down... but i think it would be a key to a greater contentment. When i go home nowadays, i no longer have a hard time sleeping. Unlike before... and a total change of lifestyle indeed..no more smoking..no heavy drinking...and am actually saving a lot of g's.

I still have the title..

it's just that it's different.

there are more people to deal with every single day..

but i stopped crying over the unexplainable cuts, burns and bruises i get after every shift.

my hands are plain and a bit dry...

no more nail polish.. no deep healing moisturizers..

my feet is sore..

i hope to last..

i hope to prove i am who i think i am.

it's a new big world im in, and am not just about to give up..or just become a mediocre..

new challenges..

new beginnings..

new learnings..

and i know i can make it.