sink or swim

For quite a long time... i am in lo.. ok im in deep shit.

Ok i do..i love.. him.

He turned my world around, showing me things i thought were extinct.

Made me realize chivalry is not yet dead.

Screwed my evil plans of world domination.

Made me decide to stop smoking.

Made me want to stay home on weekends.

Loves me.

And he has a girlfriend...

Over and over i keep on thinking this is wrong.. i better get going. God knows i tried. I try. Everyday.

Until now.

So with the very slight chance, i end up hurting him... i hope he reads this.

Dear Mark,

I am sorry. It pains me more than anything to be here alone somewhere without you. I miss you everyday. I still look at my phone waiting for your name to appear on my inbox or missed calls. I still sometimes sleep in my car because it makes me smile thinking you're with me in it. I wear your shirt when i sleep. I look at your picture everyday. I pray for you at every chance i get to talk to God. I would still sometimes attempt to make a left going to your street but end up making a U. It makes me smile when the priest talks about John the Baptist... it's like hearing your name in church when im with God and i think its His way to brighten my day. I still don't smoke. I can't help but turn my head when i see motocross bikers. I still hear your voice in my head... your weird laugh... and your voice when you sing..hahaha.. (oops..sorry ☺) I will forever miss your hugs and your kiss and will still dream one day i'll find my self in your arms.

I love you. I don't want to mess your life. I don't want to confuse you. Im sorry i don't reply or text as often or i don't reply or text at all. Im sorry i missed your calls. Im sorry i don't hang out anymore. But please know, i die a little each time...

Mahal... *kiss* *kiss* *kiss* *super hug*

Arbie

is this? are you?

how do i know this is one of God's jokes?

when i remember asking for a particular name... particular face... event... the how should of things... and then i found it..

are you real?

i am happy you are who you are, i am happy with how you make me feel when you are with me
if incase this is just one of the roads i'll take, this could just be the best path im taking so far.

you make me feel awesome about myself and i love myself more now that i have met you.

(cheezy! nyeta!)

in gray

going up didn't look much scary before...
it still ain't now.
there's just too much to fear... because there is much to lose.

i can't say there is regret, after all, i reap what i sow.
i just didn't expect it to be this hollow.
everything you hear sounds a slight buttering
and there is always a fear you have to repay all the kindness.

when it's easy to dismiss you because you are nothing,
it's much easier to be dismissed because people think you have a lot.

this is a ruthless chain of slavery i tell you, it's not easy to follow this
rotten dictated path.

it's not easy to afford happiness...

@ 27

This has to be the happiest birthday yet... I shouldn't be asking for more.
On the past year, I was able to achieve a lot of things I have only been planning for in the past years.
I got me a good job, one I am hoping to last.
My mom said it was a gift from my 26th birthday.
It could be, for it opened a lot of doors for me.
I finally learned to drive...
because i'll be driving my first owned car.
I now have a boyfriend... I can see, share and be with.. :)
I have weekends off..(yey!)
and I am sure there are still more of it I have yet to unfold.

Of course, I would like to acknowledge my past. I won't probably see how kind this year have been if not for all the trials and struggles I had to go through.

At 27, there are more things I have to accomplish. I can now, more than ever, feel the pressure of things before I hit 30.

I can only pray that things can finally fall on its place when that time comes. Only three more years....
- I have yet to see the completion of the family house
- Get enough savings
- Invest  for a business
- Invest for a house
- Fly abroad
- Get married

I can only pray....